The Roguelet's ABC


I started writing these verses in 1984 after being exposed to rogue 3.6. Through the medium of fortune files, they have filtered into the computer-game subculture until hardly a month goes by that somebody doesn't ask in where to find the complete set.

There is no complete set! I might add one occasionally, if something happens to inspire me. Meanwhile, here is the collection as of now, with my thanks to all who wrote to encourage me.

Added in 2019. Many have emulated my verses. One of them, D. J. Schreffler, has sent me a Usenet link to his verses about Nethack monsters. (For the monsters that I wrote about, he simply copied my verses.)

The Roguelet's A B C

Flitter flutter in the air,
How I wonder why you're there?
Chasing bats is not much fun—
The worst is when you're killed by one.
Think again before you try
To impale a floating eye.
If you miss it with your sword,
You may soon be very bored.
When into a room I plunge, I
Sometimes find some violet fungi.
Then I linger, darkly brooding
On the poison they're exuding.
If a 'goblin (hob) waylays you,
Slice him up before he slays you.
Nothing makes you look a slob
Like running from a hob'lin (gob).
First he deals a deadly blow,
Then he staggers to and fro.
His behavior would be risible
If it only could be visible.
Darkened chamber, dismal howls;
Is it tigers, wolves, or owls?
Now I spy him through the gloom:
Dr. Jackal, I presume!
Cobalt's metal, hard and shining;
Cobol's wordy and confining.
Kobolds topple when you strike them;
Don't feel bad, it's hard to like them.
See the funny little man,
Try and catch him if you can.
Quickly now! That's too slow—
Where did all your money go?
Here's a monster that will thrill you,
'Cause it doesn't try to kill you.
What a friendly little charmer—
Hope you're fond of orange armor!
Listen to those bursts of hissing,
While your mace persists in missing!
Fields have thistles, teeth have aches
And dungeons have ungracious snakes.
One big monster, he called troll.
He don't rock and he don't roll,
Drink no wine and smoke no stogies;
He just love to eat them roguies.
There's a U—a Unicorn!
Run right up and rub its horn.
Look at all those points you're losing!
Umber hulks are so confusing.
As I was sitting down to eat, I
Cried, “I thought I heard a yeeti.”
Something growled, in accents fretty,
“Ho! Take that! You mean a yeti!”

Col. George Sicherman [ HOME | MAIL ]